i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
As shirtless as possible
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
