Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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