I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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