A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize