He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
