soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
