she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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