My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
