Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
