Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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