well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
