im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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