I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize