I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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