Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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