I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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