I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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