im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
