How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
