Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
