Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
