It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
