ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
