so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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