I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
