im holly from the hills drunk
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize