i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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