He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize