I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
