Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
