fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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