i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
