If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
