Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
