Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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