Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
