I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
