I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
