the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
