I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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