She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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