but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
