"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
