I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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