I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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