you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
