i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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