the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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