you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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