Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
