u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
