I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
