Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
