i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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