It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
