Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize