I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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