So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
