I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
