Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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