fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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