He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
