So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
