I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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