so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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