Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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