First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
