My liver just broke up with me...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
