She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Drunk is not a location!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
