420 ftw
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She even gives head with a lisp.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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