I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
