I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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