Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
