super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
