You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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