i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
