No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I will be naked everywhere
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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