So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
